YUKOU SPEAKS` nolovelostnolovefound

[frosty]

Your eyes flutter open and you awaken with a flinch. You leap to your paws in terror when you realize you're not in your nest. Instead, you find yourself in a strange dark forest. Shadows flitted back and forth, darting between your paws before disappearing into a horrible-looking thicket. You tilt your head back and see that the trees reach towards the sky, their trunks sleek and pale. A strange moss glows at their baases and cover their twisted roots that poke up from the cold ground. The forest smells of decay, and a strange light is radiating from a nonexistant point in the sky, yet there is no moon nor stars nor sun. You turn your head to see a sluggish river, the water warm and greasy as it slowly flows by with a strange sound. Fright grips your heart as you back away from the copse and into the shadows. You begin sprinting down a long path that seems to never end. Shutting your eyes, you continue to dash down the path, hoping you'll wake up in your nest in the warriors den and everything will be okay. But you collide with something solid, and your eyes stretch wide until the whites around them show. You let out a wail as a she-cat throws you to the ground, digging her claws into the base of your neck.

"Watch it," she hisses in your ears before throwing you to the ground. You stagger to your paws and look her over. She's a sleek she-cat with the darkest black fur you've ever seen. Her eyes are a dull gray, but they're almond in shape, giving her a very fierce look. There's a strange look in them, striking fear into the depth of your heart. She has a long, thin tail that weaves through the damp air, looking like a snake preparing to strike. Her ears taper to a sharp point. She's not a small cat, but she's not stout. She's short with a long body and hard-muscles. She's also very leggy, you observe. She moves like a shadow, you observe with awe. The dark she-cat could be very beautiful if evil didn't possess her pawsteps. As she turns towards you, you notice that her muzzle looks as though it had been ravaged by a dog. She stare back as she stalks up to you until you can smell her breath, which, surprisingly, isn't rank at all. Her scent is that of cold night air, not of death. "W-Who are you?" you ask boldly, wanting to know more about the mysterious she-cat.

She draws away from you, her claws still unsheathed. You notice them glint in the unnatural light, and suddenly the scratches on your neck begin to sting. You can feel sticky blood seeping out of them, but you resist the urge to lick them. You can't take your eyes off the she-cat, wanting to know every detail about her. Her presence is very intriguing, you feel. Your heart skips a beat as she begins to talk in a deep, feminine voice. "I am Yukou, daughter of Miko and Stryker, former mate of Fengo, and mother of Anastacia," she meows in a monotone way, as if it's a formal greeting and she has spoke of it countless times. You blink slowly, trying to put faces to any of the names Yukou mentioned. You have heard of Miko, the notorious rogue who was known for killing numerous Clan cats and even taking the life of a leader by the name of Silverstar. Your heart begin to drum with panic, fighting the urge to flee for your life. You don't know what happens if you die in a place like this, and you don't want to find out. But something roots your paws to the ground, and you lean forward cautiously, inviting her to continue. She narrows the eyes you have come to see as nothing short of gorgeous. "Little Clan cat, you want to hear my story. I can feel curiosity pulsing off of you like rays of sun. Mind you, it's been years since I've seen the sun." Her mew is bitter as she bares her teeth. You don't flinch. You just want her to go on. "Very well, softheart," Yukou concludes, sitting down and drawing a paw over her ear casually. "Sit down, and never, ever speak of what you have heard here, otherwise there will be dire consequences. Understand, softheart?" Her threat is a promise, you can feel it in every syllable. But you don't shudder. Instead, your bold heart opens with a hunger. You want to know everything about the strange she-cat dubbed Yukou, so you nod.

"I am Yukou, daughter of Miko and Stryker, former mate of Fengo, and mother of Anastacia. My mother was infamous among the Clans in her days. She was my idol. I wanted to be just like her. My father walked out on my mother shortly after I was born, so I never knew him. He walks here now, and we've crossed paths many times. It's a strange sort of love. He wants nothing but the best for me, so he's very hard-hearted. I'll never forgive him for leaving my mother, nor being there when I was growing up. But he's my father, regardless and I'll always love him. He never told me anything about himself. I know nothing of his background or kin so don't ask me." She pauses, her eyes focused on some focal point beyond your ears. "Miko was a great mother. She raised me just fine on her own, teaching me how to live in a kill or be killed world. I became just like her, just as I wanted; a bloodthirsty, ruthless, heartless, shameless murderer. I was a killer. I am a killer. I was always ready to fight. I slept night after night, always wondering if I was to be awoken at some hour of the night to find my mother dead on the floor of our den. You tremble at the thought of such a life, but that's all I've ever known, softheart. I lived through it, and it's what made me the cat I am today. I am proud of who I am.

"Growing up may have been a challenge, but it was easy because I had my mother with me always. She taught me everything I know. But one morning, a black tom broke into our den and attacked her. He was a Clan cat, and I was only ten moons old. Not even a yearling. My mother sheltered me from the fighting, battling with strength I had no idea she had. But the warrior got in the deathly blow: a slash across her throat. I knew had come for revenge because it was the day after Miko had killed his leader, the great Silverstar. He left me alone, saying he had no quarrel with kits. But he told me to leave Clan territory, otherwise I would end up like my mother. Enraged, I leaped at him but he battered me away. My mother's final words brought me back to her, leaving the warrior to return to his Clan. Miko had whispered something I had failed ot catch, and she slipped away into the afterlife. I greived for moons, always returning to her grave every new moon. I journeyed for miles, searching for something I didn't know. I gave up on the ritual of visiting the place where my mother was buried. That was my past life, a beautiful time. But it was over and I had to move on. I journeyed for miles, searching for something I didn't know.

"I came across a new land, filled with water. There was so much water, I don't know how to explain. It was a marsh of sorts, with caves and vines and twisted trees. There were hills and valleys and so much overgrown vegetation. This would be my new home, I decided. I soon found out that many other rogues also inhabited the watery place. I was hunting on a patch of land surrounded by water. A large, mutated tree was the only way on and off the island of sorts. Distracted, I didn't hear or scent another cat until she jumped on me. I fought back, but she drastically outsized me. That fight is where my muzzle was so horribly scarred. The she-cat intended to kill me, not just drive me away. That was how I learned of how violent of a place I lived in. Cats were killed every day for no reason, and I was the next victim. But then a dark brown tom with a white chest yanked the ruffled yellow tabby off of me. "Enough, Ixios," he growled, chasing her off with a sharp bite to her neck. I turned to the tom, torn and bloody, and murmured a thanks.

"He introduced himself as Fengo. I was completely unwilling to get to know him because I preferred to be alone. But he was very persistent. He pressed me until I allowed him to walk with me. We went back to my den, a hollow in a twisted tree because living on the ground was unsafe due to floods. He insisted to heal my bleeding muzzle, but the heartbeat he touched me I swiped at his eye, giving him a horrible scar across his left eye. But he never gave up, which annoyed me to no end. After days of bringing me herbs and fresh-kill, I allowed him into my den once more. He was a gentle tom with an air about him that cannot be described. He was a very muscular tomcat with a kind heart. But he was fierce, and his enemies cringed when they heard his name. Fengo was one of the most handsome cats, coated in a glossy dark brown pelt with a large chest that was bright white. He told me he wanted to get to know me, and for some stupid reason I agreed. He was very persuasive. Eventually, he told me he loved me. I was repulsed at the idea. There was no such thing as love. My father didn't love my mother enough to help raise me. Sure, my mother loved me, but that was the love a queen has for her kits. Toms and she-cats could not love each other, I was sure. But Fengo was different. He was tender yet very masculine. He took care of me. And somehow, he got me to admit that I loved him too.

"Fengo started sleeping in my den after that. It was all mice and moonlight until I felt him stir beside me one night. Curious, I remained still while he got up and left. Suspicious now, I waited til he had gone before I rose and followed him out. My black pelt hid me from view because it was so dark out that night. So, so dark. It was as if the shadows gulped down the moon. I followed Fengo for a long while. Finally, he turned into another den, I realized. The scent in the air was warm and milky. I knew that scent. Furious now, I let out a challenging yowl and stalked into the den. Fengo stood over a dark tortoiseshell she-cat, and tucked in the curve of her belly were three kits. They weren't newborn, but their tiny paws kneaded their mother's belly as they wailed hungrily. They looked old enough to be weened. Fengo was standing in front of the she-cat, protecting her. I was bristling enough to make myself look like a procupine. I was so, so angry. I couldn't believe Fengo had betrayed me. He gave a name to the fox-hearted she-cat, Hydra, when he told her he had no idea who I was. I leaped at her, and Fengo fled immediately. Why he left so quickly, I don't know. Maybe he had no family loyalty. I was glad to be rid of him.

"But Hydra was a new problem. Rage controlled my every movement as my subconscious mind took over. I jumped on Hydra. I can remember the adrenaline pumping through my veins. She wailed pathetically as I ripped her fur from her shoulders. She was no better than a soft kittypet, clearly without any fighting experience. I slashed her throat and she collapsed, dead. Frozen in the moment, all I could do was stare at the bloody body of my mate's mistress. That was when the crying of the kits snapped me back into reality. I had just taken away their mother. What had I done? I remember asking myself that countless times. But questions wouldn't bring Hydra back to her kits. Furious with Fengo still, I knew what I had to do.

"I took care of the kits. Whether or not they had names, I had no idea. But there were three of them, all she-cats. One was a dark ginger with the exact same tabby ticks as her cream-colored sister. The third kit was the smallest, a light brown tabby with chocolate brown stripes and a white underbelly. So I decided to name them. The redish one would be Auxo, the cream-colored one would be Aura, and the light brown tabby would be Aries. I vowed to them that I'd take care of them. I would never abandon them like their father did. And at that moment, I realized I loved them. They weren't my kin, but they were my mate's daughters. Even though he betrayed me, I would not betray him ever. I can't say I regret killing Hydra though. What's done is done, and it couldn't be reversed no matter how much I had wished. Perhaps it was for the better. Somehow I felt as though I'd be a better mother to Auxo, Aura, and Aries. They needed a mother to teach them how to survive. I'd be that mother.

"So I buried Hydra just outside her den and marked her grave with a pretty rock I found not far away. I moved into the kits' den because mine was too far away to move them to. It was hard at first, leaving them for hours while I hunted for them. I was always worried Fengo would come back and take them away. I never saw him after I killed Hydra, but I always worried about my girls. I had to tuck them in a shadowy corner at the back of the cave, covering them with moss and leaves so they wouldn't be found. The difficulty of raising all three of them can't be explained. I barely slept, I barely ate for moons. My priority wasn't me anymore, it was my girls. I would die for them, I realized. They were my whole world. Every second of every day was devoted to them. Gentle and calm Aries, wild and bold Auxo, secretive and analytical Aura... Each was so near to my heart, so precious. Some nights, I lay awake, wishing they were my kits. They weren't mine by blood, but they truly were mine.

"Auxo had a personality larger than life. She was never afraid to challenge anybody or anything. She was very impulsive and did things without thinking them through. But there was a lot of power beneath her pretty exterior. Auxo was always the one getting into trouble, scattering things and getting into things she wasn't supposed to. She was the strongest fighter, often even beating me in practice bouts. She was a loud she-cat, the leader of the girls. Auxo's personality matched her fiery orange pelt, I guess. I always assumed she would rebel, just because she had such an overwhelmingly strong personality.

"Aura was the complete opposite of her sister. She always thought things through carefully. She would never be in thick of the fighting, always on the edge, just analyzing. But when she finally sprung into battle, her moves were always well-timed. She had deadly precision and pinpoint accuracy. Aura was also very fond of secrets. She was a very responsible, trustworthy cat. She always believed she was right, though, and she was very stubborn and persistent. She could insult a cat to tears with the words she formed because they were so well-thought out. She was capable of anything, which was scary because she was so unpredictable.

"Aries was the smallest of the litter. She was a vain she-cat, who had a nasty attitude if irked enough. But most of the time she was very calm. Aries never did things when she was told. It was always on her schedule. But when she actually got off her tail, she made sure everyone was taken care of. She was very carefree, and got bored easily, so she left a lot of tasks incomplete because they were too difficult, too repetitive, or too boring. But Aries was also very curious, and couldn't hold a secret if her life depended on it. She had a simple mind, with no ulterior motives, but she was still a very interesting cat to talk with.

"When the three turned nine moons old, I was only nineteen moons of age. For such a young cat, I think I did a really good job of raising the three young she-cats. I remember the night when I told them I wasn't their mother. I don't know what they assumed before I told them the truth. But it was about moonhigh, and we were all doing some late night hunting. I called the three of them over and told them to sit down and listen closely to what I had to tell them. Aries and Auxo looked very curious, while Aura stared at me with a blank expression on her face. I told them I was not their mother, but rather, their mother's murderer. I told them the story of Fengo and how I loved him, but I found out he cheated on me with Hydra, their blood mother. I made sure I never told them any post-murder feelings I had about Hydra, about how I never regretted killing her. But I told them I loved the three of them more than they knew. I told them Hydra would've been very proud of their progress. I told them Fengo was incapable of love and that he fled before I attacked Hydra. When I finished the story, I told them I'd always love them as if they were my own...

"Well we're not your own," Auxo hissed.

Aries was weeping, greiving for her dead mother and father who was as good as dead to her. She stared down at her little white paws, looking away from me. I knew I had hurt her more than any battle move ever could have.

"How could you let us believe a lie?" Aura asked, her voice unusually monotone.

"We'll never forgive you for killing our mother, Yukou! You're nothing but a monster. We don't love you, and you don't love us. You wanted to train us as some Clan or Tribe, right? No! We'll never be loyal to a murderer!" Auxo yowled, turning tail and fleeing out into the water-filled land. Aura merely gave me a stare full of hatred, curled her tail around Aries' shoulder, and led her away after Auxo.

"That was the last I saw of Auxo, Aura, and Aries for a long, long time. I fell into a terrible depression, feeling empty and lonely. I missed seeing Auxo's fiery red pelt and feeling the flames of her fiery personality. I missed seeing Aura's cream-colored fur at the edge of the training area, with the exact same tabby ticks as Auxo. I missed Aries showing up into the den at predawn, her white chest and paws glowing in the half light, her jaws laden with prey for her family. It was a horrible feeling, worse than when Miko was killed or when Fengo walked out. I guess I was always waiting for my girls to come back to me. But they never did. I had no idea where they went, or even if they were still alive. Everyday I recalled a memory of them. I'd never detach myself from them. Ever. Even if they hated me, I would always love them unconditionally. No matter what they did, they were my girls.

"It was moons before I finally began seeing the light. Moons before I ventured farther than a few foxlengths out of Hydra's old den. I was determined to pull myself together, to get over the grief. It was time to stop the self-pity and become self-sufficient again. So I went hunting. Strangely, I developed a taste for frog. They were chewy and tasted kind of like mouse to me. And they were easy to catch. It wasn't long before I had hunted myself a nice pile of prey, left just outside my den while I continued to hunt. When I returned to my pile, there was a cat waiting for me that I never thought I would ever see again....."

You dare to reach out your tail-tip to rest it on Yukou's shoulder. She was trembling slightly, her voice trailed off into nothingness. You thought it was strange to see a cat with such a tough exterior to break down at the thought of just a memory. She shakes your touch off, straightening up, her eyes brighter than berries.

"It was Fengo. I immediately dropped my catch, too angry, too shocked, to say anything. He padded forward, the look in his eyes was something like a savage resting his eyes on a juicy piece of prey. I remember shivering. He told me he was sorry for what he did, and that he never stopped loving me. He told me he thought about me every single day. He told me Hydra was a mistake. That I was the one for him. I was stupid, and let him back in. Fengo lived with me in Hydra's old den, never even glancing when we passed her grave everyday. It broke my heart, but I thought Fengo could mend it. But he couldn't. I kept telling myself he could, and that I just had to get used to being around another cat. I never dared asked about his daughters, the daughters I had raised, but he knew nothing of that. They occupied my mind all the time, and he never knew. I didn't want him to know, though...

"Eventually, I found out I was pregnant. I was horrified. I didn't want Fengo to be the father of my kits. So I left in the middle of the night, terrified he would leave me as he left Hydra. What if he had another one, whole would follow him to my den and kill me, then raise my kits? No, I couldn't let that happen. I didn't tell Fengo I was expecting kits, either. Merely, I waited for the darkest night of the month then slipped away, determined to go back to the forest where I was born. I stood by Hydra's grave, murmuring apologetic words before I left. She influenced most of my life, and I felt as though I was abandoning her. But I would raise my kits, just as I had raised Auxo, Aura, and Aries. It was a painfully slow journey, and I was always scared Fengo would have chased me down. But I never saw him again, thankfully. I never wanted to see him again. He shaped me into the cat I am today, so I guess I can thank him for that.

"It took awhile, but eventually I found a place to settle not far from my mother's old territory. I made a den in a cracked boulder, knowing it would provide good protection for the kits I would birth soon. And 'soon' came sooner than I thought. Just a week after I had settled into my den, the contractions began. They were horrible, and felt like they would tear apart my body. They came in powerful, short bursts that left me too weak to move. It felt like I had layed there, in that scoop in the sand, for days. I honestly thought I was going to die. But eventually, the kitting was finished. I had one daughter, a beautiful golden she-cat who would later develop blue eyes. I named her Anastacia. She was perfect, and she grew up with a peaceful, uneventful kithood.

"My precious Anastacia never met her father. I never saw Fengo again. I pressume he remained in the water-filled territory. I've crossed his path quite a few times here, but for the rest of my life we never saw each other. I am and always will be a solitary cat.

"But little Anastacia did meet some very important cats. It was a cool autumn day, and I was watching my daughter play with the leaves that rode the wind. The breezes were really strong that day, so no scent went unnoticed. I smelled a very familiar one, and I thought I was hallucinating when Auxo's red tabby pelt rounded the corner, Auro and Aries on her heels. My mouth dropped open while Anastacia ran forward to greet the visitors.

"You came back..." I whispered.

"Yes, mum," Aura mewed softly, padding forward to delicately brush her muzzle against mine.

"We love you," Aries added, twining her tail with mine.

"You're our mum, and we're sorry for getting so angry with you," Auxo finished, twitching her tail for Anastacia to chase.

"And that was that. All four of my girls lived with me for moons upon moons. It took a while for Anastacia to get used to her half-sisters because she had never met any other cats up until then. But her and Auxo got on particularly well, and became extremely close.

"The next chapter of my life is the final one. It was the summer following the autumn when Auxo, Aura, and Aries came back. The littermates were out hunting for Anastacia, who hadn't been feeling well lately. There were a lot of foxes roaming around, and one found its way into my den. He was a bold, russet-colored canine with one eye missing. Furiously, I rounded on him. The stupid brute wouldn't lay a paw on my little Anastacia. But the fox was a lot heavier than me, and bowled me over with ease. I put a great fight, but it just wasn't enough. I gave him dozens of wounds to remember me by, though. The angry creature pinned me down in my own den, flecks of foam around his muzzle. With a wild look in his eyes, he sunk his filthy fangs deep into my throat. My life ended then and there, and I blacked out with the terrified squeak of Anastacia ringing in my ears.

"Miko came to fetch me, to bring me here. I may have walked a different forest than my girls, but I never stopped watching them. Auxo died later that summer, tracking down the fox that killed me. Aura and Aries raised Anastacia, until she met Valor and continued on to have her own kits. Aura 's life was claimed by starvation, refusing to eat because she wanted to preserve the prey for her sister. Aries lived the longest, even finding a mate by the name of Shakur. Shakur's brother, West, later killed Aries after a long feud between the two. Anastacia was later killed by her own mate because she got so ill he couldn't bear to see her pain anymore. They all walk this forest, along with Fengo and Hydra."

Yukou flicks her tail, signalling that her story was over. "Continue going south until you return to StarClan's hunting grounds. Never come back to this place, and never speak a word of this to any cat, or I will find you in your dreams and drag you down to a place even more cruel than the Endless Forest. Now, go!" And with that, she chases you away with a snarl.