Pumaheart [of PineClan]

[Dawn]

I hate the circumstances of my birth.
My siblings and I were never meant to be.

Born into a cursed, foul relationship between Spottedflower of PineClan and Loonheart of MarshClan. How I have resented them for all these moons for making those stupid choices. They should have stuck to their own Clans and let it be. Not paraded after some other feline in a rival Clan.

Back in the days before I walked this forest, Spottedflower was a beautiful, sleek spotted tabby. She was the motherly type of cat and everyone knew that she would one day be the proud mother of her own kits.

Of course, back then, she had a few toms padding after her - toms within her own Clan. Whom she should have chosen. But no, she had to run off and frolic around with Loonheart from MarshClan. Anyway, she had a few toms padding after her. She constantly rebuffed their advances though, apparently unimpressed with the crop she had to choose from or some mouse-dung like that.

Meanwhile, in MarshClan, my father lived. He was the brother of the then MarshClan medicine cat, Swiftstream. They had once had a brother who had also broken the warrior code by mating with a loner. She was later discovered to share the same foul blood as the MarshClan leader and was allowed to join the Clan. They had two litters. I don't know nor do I care about what they were called or what happened to them. I just know that none of them are still alive today.

Now, Loonheart too had someone from his own Clan padding after him. A long time friend called Darkflower or something of that sort. Well, she had, for some reason, fallen in love with Loonheart but never shown it. Stupid she-cat. Had she, perhaps Loonheart and Spottedflower would have never done such idiotic things to 'keep their love'.

After the two had snuck around together like a couple of adders, Spottedflower discovered she was to have kits. Oh freaking joy. To PineClan, it was a mystery, the father. And Spottedflower never bothered to staunch any of the whispers by saying they were one of the toms who had been padding after her.

After what seemed like forever to her, she gave birth. Four kits had been cursed upon her. And yes, I do mean cursed, not blessed. She called us these names, and this is in the order of our birth: Boarkit, Pumakit, Batkit and Brownkit. My brother and I were born first, then our two sisters.

Loonheart, like the stupid tom he was, seemed to think it wise to come to the PineClan camp and visit Spottedflower. Soon after our birth, once we were deemed strong enough, Spottedflower and Loonheart decided that two kits should go with him while two stayed. And that they should not see one another any more. Unfortunate that they could not have seen that before, huh?

Well, Loonheart took Boarfur and Batstream to MarshClan with him while Brownpaw and I stayed with our mother. The morning after my siblings had been taken, my mother did not hide the fact that they were gone. Nor did she make an excuse. She told her Clan flat out that their father had come and taken them with him so they each would have two kits. She did not release the tom's name or Clan, but did say that he was from a Clan and not a rogue.

She wasn't trusted after that. Nor were we, Brownpaw and I. We had nothing to do with the stupid affair, and yet were treated like outsiders. It was only natural that we stuck together.
Later in our kithood, my mother told us who our father was, where he was from and of our two siblings who now lived in MarshClan.

I had no wish to know them. No wish to see them at all. Brownpaw did at first, but after a while she let go of that naive goal. She seemed to grow into the realization that our birth had been a fluke and reliving it would only cause more trouble.

After we became apprentices, things seemed to simmer down. Brownpaw and I showed that we were loyal to none but PineClan and did our best to show that we would do anything for our Clan. Brownpaw made friends, several of them, but I seemed to stay more to myself.
Sure, I had a few 'friends', but we were not close.

Later, Brownpaw was killed. I remember everything so vividly, but I'm not going into details with the likes of you. You don't need to know how she looked with the deep cuts and scratches surrounding her body. The byproduct of a fox attack.
One of her friends had died as well, but I don't recall her name at the moment. All I do recall is that I sat with Brownpaw in the medicine cats den until she died.

StarClan has a wicked sense of justice if they thought taking Brownpaw was the right move. They should have just taken Spottedflower and Loonheart. They had made the mistake, not poor Brownpaw. But they had taken her and Spottedflower died soon after.
Starved herself, grief for her lost mate, kits and now Brownpaw seeming to overwhelm her. I guess she didn't really give a rat's tail about me, because the fact that I still lived seemed to matter little to her. She starved to death. The cowards way out. Leaving me alone in a Clan that hardly wanted me as it was.

In MarshClan, after he had become a warrior, Boarfur died. I don't know what killed him, and I don't care to know. Loonheart died soon after, and I don't know what did him in either, so don't ask me.

That left Batstream alive, but I'm not sure if she knows of out split heritage. At times, I have wondered if I wish to know her. In the end, I come to the conclusion that I don't. She is a stranger to me, as much as she is kin, but I don't want to know her. Don't want to see every time I catch a glimpse of her, living proof of my cursed birth.

As the moons have gone on, I have begun to wonder. Were we, the byproducts of Spottedflower and Loonheart's forbidden romance, merely sent by StarClan to act as punishments? Seeing as Brownpaw died right before Spottedflower's own eyes and Boarfur predeceased Loonheart, isn't it possible StarClan sent us as ways of bringing pain upon our parents? To make them truly feel their mistake?

If they did, than I am disgusted. How can I be expected to trust StarClan if they pushed such a horrid punishment onto such an innocent soul as Brownpaw's?

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